Change can modify the knowledge of intercourse in real, psychological, and ways that are emotional.
“I’ll always keep in mind the time that is first had sex after bottom surgery, ” Rebecca Hammond informs me about halfway through our Skype chat. Hammond, a registered nurse and intercourse educator from Toronto whoever short, asymmetrical haircut provides the impression of a bleach blond Aeon Flux, talks in a sleepy, seductive tone that nearly verges for a purr; her terms accepting a supplementary little bit of vibration whenever she’s wanting to stress her point.
It’s been ten years since her procedure, and Hammond’s had a wide range of sexual experiences — good, bad, and someplace in between — but that very first connection with intercourse by having a vagina is the one who has stayed along with her. “If I’d with that said for myself, I’d say it just felt right, ” she tells me personally. “There just wasn’t the strain here that there may were beforehand. ”
Yet, even while she fondly remembers that blissful sense of congruity, that feeling of intimacy in a human anatomy that felt “right, ” she’s loath to provide an excessive amount of capacity to the concept that first-time intercourse is somehow transformative or earth-shattering. “Virginity is merely a social idiom for talking to purity and loss, ” she reminds me personally, and another with an unpleasant, complicated history that does not sit well together with her.
Once we chat, Hammond shifts between these two conflicting narratives of post-bottom surgery sex.
From the one hand, she notes wryly, “You’re simply putting material your cunt, ” a work that hardly appears worth a lot of hassle and introspection (“I don’t obtain it! ” she cries giddily, her sound rising an octaves that are few she laughs). Yet she can’t shake the understanding that, whether or not “virginity” is an outdated concept — one that’s profoundly linked to a cisgender and heterosexual (cishet) worldview that lots of LGBTQ+ people outright reject — it’s a notion that carries a lot of fat for many trans ladies.